Non-Reaction: The Key to Protecting Your Money and Sanity During Divorce

Julie Murphy • February 2, 2010

There’s no sugarcoating the emotional and financial effects of a divorce. While some people end their marriages amicably, most end up stuck, bitter, emotionally scarred and unable to move forward with their lives.

While it may not seem to be, you have a choice. If you commit to a practice of non-reaction throughout your divorce and afterwards, you will significantly reduce the costs of divorce to yourself, your kids and your bank account.

What is non-reaction? It’s a practice in which you make the conscious decision not to react to events, people and things in your life that previously got a charge out of you and caused you to act (or re-act) in a certain way.

Think of road rage as a common example – have you ever been in the car and someone cut you off and your immediate reaction is anger, maybe even yelling or flipping off the other driver? That’s a reaction. Your practice would be to not react the next time you are cut off or to react by smiling and thinking “have a nice day.”

I’ll be the first to admit the practice of non-reaction is not easy. That’s why it takes practice. But, I’ll also tell you if you master it, it’s something that will serve you every single day of the rest of your life.

I lived through an ugly divorce and today my husband has a loving relationship with our children and we have a great relationship because I learned not to react.

As you can imagine, I was frustrated, angry and sad like most people are when their marriage falls apart. And of course being a lawyer, my first instinct was to fight. I wanted to protect myself, my kids and my business that I worked so hard to build during the course of our marriage.

My ex-husband was a stay-at-home dad. He didn’t have a job and he couldn’t continue to live the same lifestyle he once enjoyed without my income.

Needless to say he disagreed. He staked claim to half my business and we had to go through the process of having a forensic accountant come in and determine just how much of my business he could walk away with. And he wanted child support and alimony on top of that!

My first inclination was to withhold and try to keep everything that I had worked so hard for and was rightfully mine. I wanted to dig in and fight.

Fortunately, I began to learn the practice of non-reaction. Consciously, I knew there would be very different outcomes depending on how I handled this situation and I would be held back from moving forward with my life and business if I continued to engage in battle with him.

After I finally got it, I agreed to buy him out of half my business and pay child support and alimony. Then I chose not to react when he spent all the money from our settlement instead of putting it in a savings account or using it for our children. This was EXTREMELY difficult to do.

But the hardest part was choosing not to react when it was time to leave my kids with him every other week and I knew he was not parenting them the way I would have. At the time, I wanted nothing more than to keep him away from my kids, but I knew they need a relationship with their dad and I had to trust that God would take care of that which I had no control over.

I now believe with my whole heart that choosing non-reaction is what saved my family and allowed me to move forward to with my business and life without the extra baggage that hold so many people back when they are going through a divorce.

Today I have full custody of my kids. My ex actually lives with me in the apartment behind the house and it’s great, 95% of the time. I also went on to build 2 million dollar businesses and fall in love again, simply because I didn’t allow myself to get stuck in the past or the pain or divorce.

I know it’s natural to react and lash out when you are going through a divorce—but I want to encourage you to fight that urge at all costs.

If I could do it all over again, I would have given in sooner. I would have immediately found out what it would take for my husband to feel comfortable financially and settled it without the involvement of expensive lawyers and forensic accountants. I wasn’t able to do that immediately though – it took time and a whole bunch of money.

So as you move through your own divorce, look at how much you can give instead of what you can get out of the situation. If you can do this, you’ll move through the process more quickly and you’ll eventually reap the benefits of peace, joy , love and prosperity!

About Alexis Martin Neely

Alexis Martin Neely is America’s Personal Family Lawyer®, an outside the box business coach who helps business owners mine the acres of diamonds in their business, and the Intrepid Mompreneur. Alexis is also the CEO and founder of the Family Wealth Planning Institute, a company that guides families and business owners to align their values and establish boundaries for maximum wealth. The Institute has trained hundreds of lawyers throughout the United States to work with families and business owners in a whole new way. The bestselling author of Wear Clean Underwear! A fast, fun, friendly – and essential – guide to legal planning for busy parents and a regular legal commentator for CNBC and BetterTV, you may have also seen Alexis featured on the Today Show, Fox and Friends, O’Reilly Factor, and Oprah & Friends radio. To follow Alexis’ journey running her business and raising her kids, subscribe to Alexis’ personal blog and to the Mommy Business channel. You can also follow Alexis on Twitter or friend her on Facebook.

The post Non-Reaction: The Key to Protecting Your Money and Sanity During Divorce appeared first on Julie Murphy.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Share Blog On Social

A woman is smiling while money is falling around her.

A book titled the spiritual laws of money

Get it NOW!

Recent Blogs

How to End the Year Like the Wealthy Do

By Julie Murphy • December 10, 2025

Reset Your Money Energy for 2026 Every December, we all feel that pull, the desire to “be better with money next year.” But here’s the secret I’ve seen again and again after nearly three decades of walking alongside people from all walks of life: Financially wealthy people don’t just plan their next year — they energetically complete the one they’re leaving. They close loops. They clear emotional residue. They realign their energy field before they set a single goal. And you can absolutely do the same. As I share in The Emotion Behind Money , wealth is never created by logic alone. It comes from managing the emotions behind your money and understanding that money itself is energy. And in Awaken Your Wealth , I remind readers that energetic shifts begin when you consciously picture yourself stepping into a new reality, while compassionately acknowledging the one you’re standing in now. So let’s walk through the simple year-end process I teach my clients — one that spiritually, emotionally, and financially resets your money field for a powerful 2026. 1. Review Your 2025 Wins & Losses With Compassion Before you step into the new year, look back with the most loving, nonjudgmental eyes possible. I call it neutral observation . Wealthy people don’t spiral into shame when something didn’t go perfectly. They get curious. Ask yourself: Where did I expand financially this year? Where did I contract emotionally or economically? What choices were truly aligned with my values? Which ones came from fear, scarcity, or old patterns? In Awaken Your Wealth , the “Accepting Reality and Awakening” step of PACT teaches that awareness without judgment is how we break old money patterns for good. So breathe. Notice. Write it down. No shame. No spiral. Just truth. 2. Forgive Any Money Mistakes Here’s a truth most people never consider: Every financial mistake carries emotional weight and emotional weight blocks money flow. From my work in The 4 Spiritual Laws of Money , we know that your heart’s energy is more powerful than your brain’s logic, and intention is what redirects energy back into alignment. Forgiveness, of yourself, your past self, or others involved, releases stagnant money energy. Try this: Write down any money decisions from 2025 that still feel heavy. Place your hand on your heart. Say: "I forgive the version of me who made this choice. She/he did the best they could with what they knew at the time.” Forgiveness isn’t about letting mistakes slide. It’s about resetting your emotional money field so you can co-create something new. 3. Create an Energetic Closing Ceremony for the Year This is where wealthy people truly separate themselves; they honor the transition. You can create your own year-end ceremony using whatever resonates from your spiritual toolkit. Here are a few ideas inspired by the intention-setting and clearing practices throughout my work: Light a candle Symbolize releasing the old year and calling in the new. Write a “completion list” Include everything you’re ready to release: debts you’re no longer carrying shame over, relationships you’re energetically cutting cords from, patterns you’re finished reenacting. Burn or bury the list This physical act tells the Universe: “I’m done living from this version of myself.” In The Emotion Behind Money , we explore how inherited beliefs and emotional patterns repeat until they are consciously released. This ceremony is your line in the sand. End with intention Close with one powerful intention for 2026, aligned from your heart: “I choose a new flow of abundance.” “I trust that money comes to me with ease.” “I allow myself to receive the wealth I’ve been working toward.” As The 4 Spiritual Laws of Money reminds us: “The Universe responds to action.” Your ceremony is your spiritual action. Ready to Step Into 2026 Aligned, Clear & Empowered? If you’re craving deeper support with your financial reset, join me for my Emotions Behind Money Workshop in January. If you’ve been feeling the nudge to recalibrate your relationship with money, this is your moment. Let’s make 2026 the year your inner wealth and your financial reality finally match. You deserve abundance and you’re closer than you think. With love, alignment & a whole lot of possibility, Julie ✨